Stuck somewhere...

       

When i was child, it never came into my mind about life and dreams and who thinks at tender age as we are busy in our own world; care free nature; playing; studying and most important no responsibilities. I wish we could have lived those life till end with no responsibilities but then that would have been injustice with our parents; how many years they could have managed at least they need to share their responsibilities with children.  I am grateful to my Parents they did their duty wonderfully even if they were not educated; they made us educated and fulfill our basic needs. 

As i grew and started earning; i started realizing my responsibilities. Responsibility of taking care of my mother after father's death. No i was not alone my elder brother helped us and took care of us but those priorities changed after his marriage. I had no issues with him either and we decided to live our life separately. 

Being close to mom. I cannot imagine life without her. I wanted to give her all happiness she deserve. i wanted to fulfill her dreams; one of her dream is having her own house but the real estate prices in Mumbai are really high it is difficult to fulfill it especially in those areas where I want to live.  Savings from past 6 years has been accumulated to at least give down payment but then giving EMI becomes problem thanks to my salary and me. I blame myself for not being so active and intelligent; when I compare myself with others I found that I am confused girl. The problem with me is i cant take decision; decision which is right for me; i think too much or i get scared to take risk. Hope i try overcome on my weaknesses and pursue my dreams soon. 

Another dream of my mom is to see me getting married asap.  I am 27 now and don't want to get married and leave my mom alone. I need to take care of her and unless and until a man who understand this and ready to accept me and mom i will not get married. May be i think too much or may be i am possessive; whatever it is but i cant leave her alone and our Indian tradition doesn't allow mom to stay at in-laws place forever. And finding a perfect groom who is alone and accept my condition is hard :(

Wishes to do this and that; own good house, earn good salary and many more are accumulated enough and increases day by day; one by one but reality is so hard that i end up being sad at times.